Friends With Cold Feet

Friends With Cold Feet: A Guide to Your Friend's Terrified Mindset on Their Big Day

Nika (pronounced: Nee-kuh) Glover-Ward, the administrator for The Black Wives Club, offers solace to her members by facilitating the communication of the Facebook group for married and engaged couples. In a way, she does work similar to that of a bridal party. It won’t entail consoling a fiance(e) left at the aisle as the dramatic trope often goes. A friend can devote some time and energy to another in their time of doubt and need, even if it is not in real time, even if they are only Facebook friends. The truth is the real life timeline could look a lot like the digital one in the moments when trouble arises: Cold feet can be scattered anywhere from months in advance to the week of the wedding. And if Glover-Ward’s Facebook friends have been together through not just one, but two Facebook groups, then we should be able to be there for our friends in real life.

The Black Wives Club marks the second time Glover-Ward has created a bit of a getaway.  The group which she had overseen prior to this one was meant for people discussing infertility and many of the people in this online support group would start to talk about other things such as their marriages. Statistics indicate that black women are less likely to get married today. D.C.-based nonprofit public policy organization The Brookings Institution stated on their website that “a black woman with an undergraduate degree aged between 35 and 45 is 15 percentage points less likely to be married than a white woman without an undergraduate degree.” When Glover-Ward started The Black Wives Club, a lot of people from the first Facebook group were there to help her start it. It is easy to tell why the editor of government aviation magazine, Approach Magazine, is the administrator for both, using her strong communications skills to help brides stave off cold feet. 

“I just thought it would be nice to get these women together who are defying the odds basically,” Glover-Ward said. “There’s this big notion that black women don’t get married or that they’re least likely to get married, or that we have a higher divorce rate. And so we’re proving that we can have successful marriages just like everybody else.” Although Glover-ward didn’t suffer from cold feet when marrying her husband, the idea for each Facebook group comes from a place of wanting to be a good friend.

Every good friend just wants to know what it is that their best friend needs to hear. “I guess if I were experiencing like true cold feet, like ‘I just wanna get out of it’, what I would want for my girlfriends to tell me and my mother especially is ‘Think about why you fell in love with this person,” Glover-Wardsaid. “What was it about him that made you decide ‘he’s the one’?” This is the best advice because it puts you in the position to not get in the way of your friend and their partner, while also allowing them to elaborate on why they chose their partner. If you have any doubts about their partner, this is your chance to give you peace of mind.You can rest assured knowing that your bestie is as safe as they are content.

When we promise our spouses forever, (usually) it’s a promise. When we promise our friends forever, it’s a hope. That is probably why our friends don’t give us cold feet. There’s less pressure. The fear of paving a slippery slope can be blinding. Don’t be afraid to be that hope which your friends bring to you and have faith in your engaged friend finding their way.

Author: Julia Stephens